Conversations with Georgie #16: 10 Reflections from 2021: A Year of Flowing Currents.
Embracing Disappointment. Stop Responding. What is Success??
Welcome to 2022! Doesn’t it feel weird saying that? As fitting with pretty much all newsletters right now, and with my annual obsession with reflecting, this letter captures my personal learnings and insights from 2021. I hope you’ve spent the last few weeks disconnected from work-mode, consuming all the variations of turkey-meals and the associated food-comas that seem to takeover each day. Enjoy digesting these reflections (recommended with coffee) as a welcome break from the mountain of emails and admin tasks that often await.
Photo: Witnessing a glorious sunrise over the coast of Mexico (I then went back to sleep!)
👋 Hello Friends,
Happy New Year!! 🎆
I started writing this letter to you from a plane travelling over the Atlantic Ocean. An unplanned, more spontaneous trip because Covid did it’s thing and ruined my previous plans.
Not complaining by the way - although disappointed, I’m grateful that I can still travel somewhere - and making this kinds of random spontaneous decision is exactly the kind of lesson (#2) that 2021 gave me. Embracing I don’t know, maybe and let’s see….
I tend to find that journeys are some of my best writing moments, especially on planes. Firstly, you’re off grid for a number of hours so can’t give in to the dopamine fuelled pangs of message-checking or ‘to-list-doing’ which make it surprisingly hard to get in or back in the zone. Secondly, it is a place where you give yourself permission to go full on movie-athon, or reading-athon, with random pockets of staring out the window, eating to no rushed deadline or napping. All these activities inspire inspiration, promote cross-pollination of ideas and divergent thinking. After planes, trains and car journeys are also great for (most of) this.
And then being away, especially somewhere new and with a break from tech helps us to disconnect in order to reconnect. To self. To others. To the world. Too much time spent 'responding' to online messages leaves me living a continuous open loop - checking messages, responding to messages, thinking of the messages I need to craft and not responding to the flowing current of the world that is actually unfolding in front of me. Another lesson learnt - prioritise the human moments (#8) .
How would one describe this year? Flowing currents. Not necessarily in a direction I expected. But definitely flowing, with plenty of obstacles along the way to teach me the rich lessons of life. Here they are for you to digest.
Wishing you a wonderful 2022!
Sending (Virtual) Hugs, Love & A Warm Smile,
Georgie 🤗❤️
10 Reflections from 2021
Photo by Jordan McDonald on Unsplash
1. No ‘Should’: You Can But You Don’t Have To 💡
By far the most important insight from 2021, has been a felt understanding of the power of kindness towards myself and others and the detrimental impact of any form of ‘should’.
It is great to do things well, to set ambitious goals for ourselves, but the pressure to meet these things is highly unhelpful if our self-accountability is not injected with a large dose of kindness for when life ruins our perfectly designed plans. And it always does to some degree.
I have noticed that I used to self-sabotage a lot when I failed at something, whether it be delivering something late, or of medium quality or standard. Even things I had little control of (life is messy!), or that were incredibly hard (like 12 hours of meditation). The voice in my head that punished me, telling me I should do better, actually sent me backwards productivity wise. I had to take time to pick myself up, rebuild beliefs that I was good enough to hit the goal before then trying again. It was emotionally and physically draining. So I stopped doing this and instead greeted the failures with empathy, curiosity and kind support.
I know no longer feel afraid to set myself highly ambitious goals. I’ve decided that I don’t have to meet them (I am enough as I am), but I want to, because it’s fun to challenge myself.
2. Embrace ‘I Don’t Know’ and ‘Maybe’😕
The chapters of this year have been surprisingly different - different rivers with different currents and flows. Where 2020 was about learning to surrender, 2021 seems to have been the year that showed me what happens when you go with the flow of the current, acknowledging and even expecting disappointment at each corner which made it easier to jump onto opportunities as they randomly arose. Opportunities not backed by a solid feeling of ‘yes’, but more ‘okay, I’ don’t know, this might not be around for long, let’s experiment and see what happens. There is a wider mission out there for me and I’ll only discover it by walking the path, not overthinking it when I don’t have the data.
Opportunities disappeared then others suddenly appeared. I said yes to random gatherings, short & long virtual working trips abroad with people I did and didn’t know well. Made new friends, bumped into reignited old friendships, had novel experiences, got inspired and had time to zoom out.
At the close of 2021, I notice I’m resistant to place value judgments too quickly on the choices I make. I can quite honestly say that I feel like ‘maybe’ and ‘I’m not sure’ are more accurate descriptions of what lies ahead in life than I previously thought/felt. What seems off the plan can actually turn out to be a major part of the new plan. Perhaps the pandemic has blessed us with license, space and forgiveness to follow the road less travelled, make a mess and accept as part of the process of exploring. As I said in my 2020 reflections, the obstacles are the way.
3. Consistency Is Everything.✅
Progress doesn’t always look like hitting unique shiny milestone events - often it is just doing something un-glamourous consistently. This year, most of my real success was the fact I exercised a minimum of 3-4 times each week, slept 8-9 hrs most nights, did my weekly reflection ritual about 48 times, walked my imaginary dog in the park most mornings to start my day, danced zouk most weeks (post vaccine), attended 42 ish weekly virtual calls with a set of friends around the globe, and saw close friends in person most weeks. Next year I would like to add outdoor activities, sunsets, sunrises to this list! As James Clear keeps reminding us, consistency in habits is more important than running after singular goals - and having the right systems in our daily lives is what makes these possible.
4. Independence Restricts Opportunities.📉
When we design end to end bulletproof solutions for ourselves, we reduce the possibilities for others to help us along the way. Helping others makes us feel empowered, creates an opportunity for a connections to cultivate, and opens up a world of fresh opportunities that we weren’t even aware of. I wrote about this lesson in November about ridesharing and then experienced something similar over the Xmas break when I booked a last minute ticket to Mexico to see a friend with almost zero plans made. I allowed my decisions about how to spend time to be influenced by the people I was with, which meant that we lent more into spontaneity and ended up being invited to a number of activities that I would never have imagined were possible.
5. You Need The Skills and Relationships Before You Need Them.😊
When I identify a problem in my life, it doesn’t normally take me long to work out who I might know who could help me with it, or who might know someone who might know something (that was wordy!). I feel very lucky, in this respect, to have help when needed. I’ve begun to realise that not everyone shares this outlook, or has spent time cultivating lots of (random) relationships over the years. I rarely collaborate immediately with people I have just met - it takes time for trust and the right circumstances to occur - so it is always a long-game. Of course, I am not saying that the only value of relationships is transactional - I believe quite the opposite - but when it comes to needing people, which we all do for work and personal life, it is too late to start when it is urgent. Those relationships start transactional and rarely go beyond that. The lesson here then is to play the long-game in everything - build the relationships before you need them. The same is true with skills - especially soft skills - you don’t want to be learning to negotiate, for instance, only at the table. Or public speaking only at your TED talk.
6. Disappointment is Necessary.😥
‘‘I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.’’ - The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
This year I learnt that there is no escaping disappointment - either yours or others - because time and energy are limited. Things got exceedingly busy on every front from the summer and I had to start practicing say no - to clients, family, friends, new friends and to myself too. I didn’t always do it well. It didn’t feel good. It hurt, both me and others. And yet it was necessary. I’m learning that whilst it doesn’t always feel good, it is a skill we need to practice to ensure we stay true to our boundaries before we break and to ourselves, before we realise we are living a life that is not true to who we are.
7. Time Is Re-Allocated Not Made. ⏱️
I owe this learning to my friend Joshua who has a gift for articulating life hacks and frameworks. My school housemistress once warned me that I was burning the candle at both ends, and whilst I understood the essence of her advice, I didn’t really follow it. Not much has changed since then, and I have continued to make time for whatever projects, life experiments and experiences I’m curious about. Of course, ‘make time’ is a great reframe to help us discover how much time is actually available in a given week, and to empower us to use it well. But what actually happens is that we steal it from something else. And that something else might be unimportant or actually essential - like rest, time to learn, exercise, sleep, cultivate relationships, have fun. This year was a great reminder that not all activities are equal. Everytime we say yes, what activity are we re-allocating?
8. Stop Responding & Start Creating Human Moments. 🌅
Sometimes when I’m on a meditation or community retreat, travels or a training programme, I feel some guilt about making people wait for my reply. A part of me wants to be available, to be reliable, and yet living this principle all the time means that I am always living a life of responding. The continuous open loop - checking messages, responding to messages, thinking of the messages I need to craft and not responding to the flowing current of the world that is actually unfolding in front of me. Not creating new experiences to be with myself, others and the world - the stuff that makes life rich, nourishing, deep, energising. I’m realising that life really is seasonal. Seasons of focus on one activity. Like harvesting the fields, sometimes fields need a variety of crops, sometimes they need rest. We need time to work, to go off grid, to be with family and friends, to explore, to do all the ‘mundane’ life admin, to reflect, to learn new skills, to sit on the sofa. Not all of these activities might seem equal in output but they all have their place in the seasons of our lives.
9. Success Definitions Keep Changing 🥂
2020 was a huge year for hitting PR milestones. I was featured on the front page of the Times, The Telegraph, GB News, The Independent, Daily Mail, Time Magazine, City AM, Huffington Post, BBC Radio (variety), Entrepreneur.com (which went viral), The Power of Strangers by Joe Keohane (Penguin, 2021) and a variety of other news outlets.
And whilst it felt pretty cool in the moment, has helped with my imposter syndrome and has been good for business, I didn’t feel like it had a lasting impact on my levels of satisfaction and meaning. PR success is so different the success it feels when you see clients get new insights about themselves and grow, when you receive wonderful feedback on your work. For me, seeing the direct impact I make in the world is much more nourishing than appearing in a news article. What looks and feels like success isn’t always the same over time and with different people, and the goal-posts keep changing too!
10. Careful Not to Make Feelings Stories. 📖
We talk about being lonely, disconnected or not belonging a lot, especially since the pandemic. Yet our language is creating the sense that these are states, when actually they are feelings. Normal feelings that arise and then disappear, arise and disappear. When I have felt lonely, I often panicked, looked for all the reasons why I was lonely, and then made it into a story, which then made it hard to drop. Whilst travelling over the Xmas holidays there were many moments I felt disconnected and not belonging, and I started to realise that these were pretty normal, they didn’t mean I wasn’t welcome or that this would be the case all day. They passed. I had moments of connection, of belonging, which also passed. So, can we learn to be in loneliness, and not let it consume us, or become our story?
Random Tidbits From Last Year…
Using some fun prompts from my Year Compass Annual Review and some of my own (try them!)
Most Stimulating Question (tried and tested): Since the pandemic started, what 3 qualities have emerged in you?
Most Vulnerable Moment. Sending a voicenote, sharing my romantic feelings for someone.
Most Spiritual Moment. On a retreat, being hit with a wave of love throughout my body - the felt realisation of others’ unconditional love for me that I had blocked myself from feeling.
Most Nourishing & Cathartic Experience. Reflecting on the lessons and experiences of my life for my 30th birthday by writing 44k words for my 30 Lists of 30 Project.
Most Procrastinated Project(s). So many! Launching a podcast, Alchemy project, finding a VA and doing my taxes!
Best Decision (in reflection). Launching my Transformational Conversations Programme virtually.
Most Proud Moment. Delivering training and receiving really wonderful feedback across each programme.
Most Impactful Mindset Shift(s): Kindness & forgiveness to all the voices in my head.
Most Spontaneous Decision. Booking a flight to Mexico to leave in a few days’ time after Covid restrictions cancelled my original plans.
Most Surprising Moment. Seeing my name on the front of page of The Times and across a variety of national news sources in February.
Most Challenging Moment. Disappointing others to stay on focus, and be true to my boundaries.
Most Enjoyable and Interesting Book Read: Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman
A Parting Poem 📝
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting—
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
- "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver
[This beautiful poem has kept finding me, so it was time I shared it]