Conversations with Georgie #15: 6 Things I Learnt This Month 🤔
🌆 Capturing Mundane Beautiful Moments. ❤️ Kindness Accelerates Progress. 😳 There is No Shame In Feeling Shame.
READ THIS FIRST. 👋 This is an email written like a letter, where I share a few real experiences, personal thoughts and the insights that have emerged over the recent weeks. Whilst some of it might sound alien to you, I hope that through pulling back the curtain a little and beng real, sharing beyond a beautiful Instagram picture or celebratory Facebook update, we might open the conversation about what it means to lead a 100% human life. Enjoy the 5 minute break in your day to peruse. At this time of the year it is best enjoyed with mulled wine and a mince pie. 🍷🥧 Just in case you had forgotten!
👋Hello Friends,
We made it to December!
But to be honest I don’t know what month it feels like.
I started listing ‘what happened this year’ for my Annual Review recently and realised I had no idea what actually happened in January to April this year. It feels like years ago. My calendar - usually the source of truth for what is happening in my life - didn’t reveal what was actually quite an internally deep and reflective part of my life - as I had forgotten to insert the hours of meditation, long walks and reading to make sense of the energetic life force/prana/chi experiences in the body. The stuff I wrote about in February’s letter.
It makes me wonder where, whether and how we capture the important moments in our lives, beyond the ‘to do list’ items, endless meetings or the (recently irregular) ‘holiday’ travels.
Where, for instance, have we captured the beautifully mundane yet exquisitely magical everyday ‘being’ moments?
Like…
Sorted and reorganised the kitchen cupboard, throwing out at least 15 plastic containers that fall over every time I open the door. Feeling = deep satisfaction and relief.
Danced and felt fully in flow, forgetting time altogether. Feeling = highly connected, out of my head, joyous.
Laughed with a great friend until my cheeks and stomach hurt. Feeling = Pure presence, optimistic, connected, hope.
Witnessed a beautiful twilight, which highlighted the stunning architectural designs of London buildings. Feeling = inspiration, beauty, presence, awe.
Slept 12 hours and woke up feeling refreshed, excited and like I could take on the world. Feeling = gratefulness, excitement, inspiration.
👉 Makes me curious what beautifully mundane yet exquisitely magical everyday ‘being’ moments have happened in your life? Would love to hear one.
And whilst you’re thinking about this, enjoy perusing through 6 things I learnt this month about the value of kindness, the humanness of shame, why independence might not be helping us connect, how to predict behaviour, the value of ‘in person’ in-between moments and how I’m trying to create more time. (re the latter, I’ll let you know when I discover the secret formula). 👍
Sending (Virtual) Hugs, Smiles & Love,
Georgie 🤗❤️
6 Things I Have Learnt This Month
Kindness Accelerates Progress❤️
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
The recent 3-day Vipassana I attended was SO much easier than my previous 10-day one 2 years ago. I suspect the reduced timeframe played a part, but I noticed it was also down to my kinder-to-self mindset that has been developing over the past year. Most people would see meditating 10-12 hours a day as pretty hardcore - and yet it’s easy to punish yourself when you don’t want to do it because you’re tired, hungry, in pain or plain bored. All these things happened, and instead of telling myself to get over it (which I might have done previously), I allowed myself to just sit and rest with my eyes closed, to take a short break or nap, or let my mind wander for a short while. This worked like magic. The part of me resisting meditating settled down much faster, and I was able to drop back in faster and with less friction.
We all have an inner slave driver that likes to whip us when we aren’t performing at 100% and even though it might allow us to get the task done now, over time we grow to resent this part of ourselves until we end up with a lot of internal conflict. Which usually leads to self-sabotage and refusing to do what it says altogether. Kindness is necessary to meet ourselves and others where they are at, and not where we might like them to be.
Independence + Planning = Designing For Connectionless Experiences 🔄
I’ve always celebrated the fact I’m good at planning, have found solutions to every likely scenario and have a gazillion contingency plans in place. Recently, I experimented with not planning - to see what would happen if I put myself in the situation where I had to rely on others to achieve my goals. When travelling to the 3 day Vipassana Meditation Course, I decided not to book taxis to and from the retreat centre and train station. Instead, when I alighted the train station I was forced to look around and locate potential fellow meditators (a fun game in itself!) and ask them how they were getting there. I jumped in their taxi and made some friends on the way there. Then on the way back on the Sunday, my roommate offered us all a lift to the station - which was not only highly convenient (there was a rail-replacement bus we ended up not needing to get) but a wonderful opportunity to deepen our new friendship and get to know each other. Plus, people enjoy helping each other.
When we find solutions for ourselves, we decrease opportunities for others to help us, and therefore decrease opportunities to connect, collaborate and build trust.
There is No Shame In Feeling Shame 😳
Another retreat insight (yes, I’ve been on a couple recently!) - the shame I experience revealing parts of myself that I am not proud of is not something to feel further shame about. I was humbled by how much shame was openly revealed in our retreat group, as we faced the parts of ourselves that might have hurt others, or the parts that are so the opposite to who believe we truly are (our shadow). We’re all human - and this is a part of the human experience. Shame is a pretty horrible feeling to feel, and yet, experiencing this impermanent feeling with the support of connection and realising that others are not rejecting the totality of us (only our specific behaviour), makes it so much easier.
Behavioural Settings Means You Can Accurately Predict 95% of Behaviour 💡
Something from PhD land I’ve been learning about - behavioural settings, which were introduced by Roger Barker in the 1960s. If you understand a behavioural setting well (e.g. classroom, meeting, birthday party, football game) you can predict how people will behaviour with 90% accuracy. This insight gets to the heart of my theories around meaningful conversation - that the chances of this experience happening is less about the person and more about the environment in which it happens, and the social norms and culture of that space. I suspect that behavioural settings theories will play a large role in my PhD research.
In Person Work is Glorious 🧑🏫
It was so awesome to get back in the training room this month to run a 4-week in person and virtual hybrid Transformational Conversations Programme. One of the things we most appreciated is all the ‘in-between’ moments in the breaks, at the beginning and end of the day, in between exercises at the coffee machine…. moments to really get to know someone deeply. The group remarked how much of a bond was created in just 3 days of sharing and learning, which then built a beautiful comradery and connected container for our online sessions. It is making me see the value in combining virtual and in person workshops and gatherings.
Attempting to Create More Time - Can You Help?🧑💼
I’ve come to the unsurprising realisation that doing a part-time job basically is just like doing a full-time job and it is therefore difficult to add a part-time PhD to the mix. Especially when PhDs require huge amounts of thinking time. It is time for me to get some VA/ Ops help - would love your recommendations!
New Articles / Appearances
👋 I’ve been supporting Metrobank’s ‘Hi’ Street Campaign (National Hi Street Day was on Sat 3rd Dec), encouraging people to chat on the high street after a survey reported that almost half (47%) of us are making more effort to talk to people when visiting our local high street than before the pandemic.
It was a fun day talking on the 🎙️ radio (The Siren Radio, gateway.fm, WCR FM, BBC Radio Nottingham, BBC Radio Leeds, BBC Radio 3 counties, BBC Guernsey) & then on 📺 with GB News.
The research shows that even sharing a micro-moment with someone - a smile, hi or 30 seconds of small talk - can highly increase your wellbeing, sense of connectedness and belonging. It’s something I try and do every day, even when I’m feeling introverted or with a down mood because it always brightens my day.
Interesting Nuggets:
🎥 First Man - Being ill recently gave me a chunk of time to work my way through a number of movies. My favourite was watching the story of Neil Armstrong landing on the moon - ‘That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind’. I love watching real stories about humanity’s desire and resilience to keep exploring and seeking to understand. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy Ryan Gosling!?
📚 ‘Originals: How Non-Conformists Change the World’ by Adam Grant
Absolutely loving this book and its making me think and connect dots so much that I haven’t managed to finish it yet.
A Parting Poem 📖
I would love to live
Like a river flows
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding
-‘Fluent’ by John O’Donohue
[Discovered in ‘Benedictus: A Book Of Blessings’ by John O’Donohue on a recent retreat. The joy of spending a few days without tech meant that I gave myself some time to indulge in exploring the bookshelves (which can be a risky business, for book-buying addicts!). The poem really resonated with what we had been exploring - the unfolding of each and every moment regardless of our expectations or desires for how it might be.]