Leaning into Avoidance ⚔️
Conversations with Georgie #31
👋 Hello Friends,
Happy end of May! Excited to share my monthly-ish honest reflections about being human, creating meaningful connections and how to live a more intentional life. Life has felt a little full-on recently - after running 3 training programmes, taking my research abroad to a conference along with some normal life challenges and opportunities. But writing this letter has helped me feel more grounded and joyful, and ready to storm ahead and meet more of that which I have been avoiding. I’ve shared (#1) my procrastination and avoidance list along with some questions to meet the uncomfortable feelings face-on. I invite you to find a delicious drink ☕, pause working and give yourself a full 5-ish minutes to read this. Curious if it sparks anything in you - thoughts, feels, resonance. Would love to hear them in the comments below ✍️ or email me 📥.
Sending (Virtual) Hugs, Love & A Warm Smile,
Georgie 🤗💜
1. Leaning into Avoidance ⚔️
What is the your relationship to procrastination and avoidance like?
During my 2023 annual reflections, I noticed that many projects have been on my goals list for many years without huge amounts of progress. I’ve been avoiding making decisions and taking small actions on a number of desired projects. Lots of emotions came up for me around this - sadness, shame, frustration, curiosity and compassion - along with related thoughts and questions to help me get to the heart of what is actually going on. Here are some of them:
❓Why has it taken me so long to create something I really care about? (Meet my judgy, high expectations part!)
❓What will it mean for me, my idenity or feel like if I never get round to this? (Examining my relationship to disappointment and the link to my identity)
❓What’s at stake in making a decision that will move this project forward? What is the real concern here? How can I minimise the impact of making the ‘wrong’ decision? (Understanding fears about leaping and making commitments)
❓Which part of me wants this? What’s the deepest need under this desire? (All feelings and desires come back to needs, and sometimes we attach our needs to specific people or projects when they can actually be met in other ways)
❓What feeling am I avoiding by not making a decision/acting? (Stuckness is often a sign of resisting a feeling that feels uncomfortable to face)
❓What is the wisdom being offered here in my avoidance? Can I love resistance and see it as a signal of growth? (A question from an Art of Accomplishment (AoA) podcast with Joe Hudson), inviting us to see the feeling as not bad but a sign of possibility and change.
❓Who can help me lift these projects into the world, so I don’t have to? (Acknowledging that I don’t have to do everything alone, that its more fun and effective to delegate and collaborate with others who have better skills)
❓What would it be like to remove the shame of not having progressed with the joy and love for getting to engage in the project ? (Removing the negative judgment association around lack of progress with a vision of loving doing it, so it becomes a positive and not negative reward cycle- another suggestion from AoA)
👉 We’ve all had those moments of avoidance and procrastination and likely resisted our resistance, which makes it stick around longer! I wonder how these questions might help you see your differently?
This year I’ve made a commitment to myself to lean into that which I have avoided. To see my resistance as a signal of my growth, of change and opportunity and to hold it gently, but not let it take the reins. To marry bravery and the acceptance that I might make a ‘wrong’ decision with patience, commitment and discipline.
💡 So far, my best learnings have been: building momentum by ticking things off is an incredible motivator and creates a positive flywheel, that most ‘big’ or ‘scary’ things are actually not as we perceive, and that small actions done frequently, whilst not that sexy or shiny, pay dividends!
So, I guess you’re wondering what I have or am avoiding?! In the spirit of honesty, inspiration and positive social accountability and reinforcement, here’s my list. Let’s see what I can get through.
‘Not Avoiding Anymore in 2024'
🎬 Handover over leadership of Sandbox London Community [COMPLETE ✅]
🎬 Transformation Conversations Programme Alumni + Online Course Offerings [IN PROGRESS ➡️ widening the team and have created draft packages]
🎬 Being brave, getting clarity by having honest conversations around romantic relationships + actively using dating apps [IN PROGRESS ➡️]
🎬 Delegating admin & website updates [IN PROGRESS ➡️ 1 programme page complete, new VA on board]
🎬 Learning to touch-type properly [IN PROGRESS ➡️ 15 mins 4/week, now between 35-48 WPM!]
🎬Prioritising strong tie friendships more [IN PROGRESS ➡️ collaborating with Haneen, new flatmate setup, hosting more at home]
🎬Rebranding Trigger Conversations [IN SLOW PROGRESS ➡️ still early stages]
🎬Writing consistently on Linked [IN PROGRESS ➡️ 2 posts /week]
🎬 File Admin [IN PROGRESS ➡️ started sorting all the random -not in folders- files in my drive, and have 3 years’ worth to go!]
🎬 Consistent Physiotherapy Practice & Increasing Running [SLOW PROGRESS ➡️ struggling with being consistent with habits, but it has increased]
🎬 Increasing my prices, to reflect the new cost of living [IN PROGRESS ➡️ recreating my business models]
🎬 Leaning into difficult conversations with collaborators, to create more safety, trust and connection [IN PROGRESS ➡️]
🎬 Increasing monthly savings & building my pension [SCHEDULED 📆]
🎬 Decreasing travel, reconnecting to my London community through hosting experiences for friends e.g. themed dinners, circling, co-working, poetry open-mic & [IN PROGRESS ➡️ summer travel minimised, dates for events identified]
🎬 Starting my podcast [DUE, need to contact guests and decide dates]
🎬 Writing my book proposal [IN PROGRESS ➡️ but need to focus on more over the summer]
🎬 More consistent writing for my PhD [SLOW PROGRESS ➡️, need to create more deep work sessions over the summer]
🎬 Zouk dance practice and solo classes [IN PROGRESS ➡️, need to schedule these for June & July]
🎬 Finding a new coach [DUE, need to finalise business models and new offerings]
👉 Curious what’s on yours? Share 1 thing you’ve been avoiding!
2. What I am Celebrating 🙌
I’ve been practicing acknowledging, speaking aloud and feeling pride in achievements to increase self-love and fight the doom-and-gloom nothing is enough narrative everywhere! I encourage you too to outwardly explore celebrating achievements in your own life.
i. Happy, Transformed Clients - Completing 2 Transformational Conversations Programmes & Launching a new programme Transform Conflict Into Connection
I've been wanting to create a course around difficult conversations for 3 years; it’s something we all struggle with and most of my clients have asked for it. And my own struggles (and desire to embody these skills perfectly) held me back from previously offering this. Those days are over.
I'm SO excited to have launched 'Transform Conflict into Connection' as a pilot programme with Haneen Khan earlier this month. It was a joyful and easy experience (the sign of a great collaboration and great group), and the feedback from the group was that this didn't feel like a pilot programme at all, that it was powerful and transformative and FUN (the key ingredient in learning).
We were particularly excited to create an offering that combines a number of amazing embodied tools with cognitive language tools, which we felt approaches like Non-Violent Communication to be missing. Why?
Difficult conversations are not just about about what you say, but also about connecting with our emotional and physical embodied experience - creating awareness of our triggers, learning how to feel our feelings fully and understand what they signal, and how to regulate our nervous system so we don't fall into unconscious reactive rage or people-pleasing 😡. We've all been there!
Here are some of our favourite tools and methods we've built into the curriculum:
🥊 What’s your fighting style? [🛠 Nervous System Theory, Drama Triangle, Internal Family Systems]
🤗 Feeling your feelings [🛠 Conscious Leadership - Taking 100% Ownership, Existential Kink & Improv, Rage & Grief Release, Self-Regulation Tools]
🧢 The Skeleton of a Difficult Conversation [ 🛠 Getting another person’s world, Sharing feedback with preframes, owning your needs, and making generous assumptions, Receiving feedback]
Want to learn the secret ingredient to building connection - befriending conflict? We're aiming to launch take 2 in the Autumn (likely 18-20 Sep). Sign up to the waitlist - we'll let you know when dates are confirmed.
ii. My First PhD Conference Presentation & Paper
I had an awesome time in Croatia last week at DESIGN24 presenting my first PhD study on weak ties relationships and was excited to see so much enthusiasm in the room.
How do you form new connections at a conference? I invited the audience to think about where and how they formed new connections. In the lunch queue, through an introduction, approaching someone after watching their talk, sitting next to someone at dinner, sitting next to someone watching a presentation, in the sauna, next to the coffee table?
The context matters - our behaviour is shaped by a dynamic spread of social, physical infrastructure and that technological forces that drive interactions. Some require us to take on specific roles, others require signals, proximity, strong social norms and other agents to help us. I think the conference did a great job of creating a fertile environment for interactions to occur by creating: one central hub, visible roles, explicit social spaces, one shared path, and an inclusive and friendly culture (you can read more about these in my Linkedin Post)
👉 📖 Read more about the 5 types of interaction structures in my published paper "Weak tie interactions in networking: five types of interaction structures"
iii. Completing a 3-year Programme in Presence
Every 2-3 months for the past 3 years, I’ve headed to Devon for a few days of offline ‘retreat-ing’ with an ongoing group. This has been less about yoga and relaxation and more about trying to meet the present moment in all its colours, and realise our true non-dual nature as that which is aware. Think meditation meets group IFS therapy and dance. In this room I have met, faced, and come to love exiled and abandoned parts of myself that I had never wanted to fully acknowledge. In this room, I have expressed hysterical laughter at the craziness of my parts and the human existence. In this room I have experienced the most almost overwhelming and expansive psychedelic-esque feelings beauty and love flow through me. In this room, I have come to realise that all my inner work could be nicely summarised as ‘the great big meander to nowhere’. The realisation that trying and thinking I am getting somewhere is all an illusion; that feeling what is here now and allowing myself to relax into it is the real opening.
I have grown to love this work, to love the family of fellow journeyers we have become, and to love my teachers deeply. How do I feel about it all ending? I am noticing there is a readiness in me to complete and make space for the new, married with a desire to hold on like a crutch and book my standalone retreats. And more deeply, a meeting with grief as I say goodbye to this group and potentially to my teacher, whose cancer prognosis is not looking great.
iv. Diving Into Reinvention - Co-Facilitating a Newly Created Closing Circle at a Recent Summit
The downside to creating an awesome thing? Being able to top that.
I had the opportunity to co-facilitate the closing circle for another Sandbox community regional summit event near Amsterdam this May. After the success of the closing circle I facilitated with Joachim in Vietnam in February (where many people cried whilst giving and receiving gratitude), I felt quite nervous about how to match this experience. Determined not to just repeat the same format, my co-facilitator Lia and I (with the help of some other leaders’ thoughts) threw together some last minute ideas and created a 3-part experience (broken down below) that I am also proud of. A good reminder in the possibility and value of starting again and prototyping something new.
🥾Chapter 1: Re-living the Journey of the Summit (meditation, looping reflections of highlights in pairs, drawing /writing a story of a highlight on paper)
😍 Chapter 2: Connecting as Humans - seeing the aliveness, challenges, complexity/mystery and generosity and love in each other (milling and eye-contact exercises)
🙏 Chapter 3: Appreciation for Organisers, Volunteers & Leaders (applause, & storytelling & gratitude shared from two individuals for each of our outgoing leaders)
3. Project ‘Loving London Life’ 💕
One of my 2024 intentions is learning how to fall in love with London 🇬🇧 again.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few years exploring ‘elsewhere’. 🌎 When I look at some of the deeper ‘why’ behind this, I realise it is in part because I am craving the adventure, novelty, fun and connection that I often find when I am away. I know this is possible in London - I felt connected to hidden opportunities, experiences and beautiful serendipity when many years ago.✨
So… I’ve created a project to help me get there and been delighted by many friends who have been involved in this process. Let me know if you have any suggestions to the below questions.
🏡 PLACES. Find amazing places & experiences across the city to explore with current friends - either as one-off or to build into my routine (e.g. restaurants, parks, museum/galleries, quirky street tours/ hidden gems, spa experiences, escape or immersive experiences, live music, climbing rollerblading etc.)
💡PEOPLE. Find amazing experiences to meet a variety of interesting like-minds (e.g. creative, intellectual, emotionally-stimulating gatherings or events, sporty clubs)
🔥 CREATE EXPERIENCES. Create amazing experiences for friends and friends of friends (e.g. themed dinners, games nights, creativity & poetry evenings, open library & co-working, circling, other personal growth workshops etc.)
✨ EVERYDAY RITUAL. Change my relationship to everyday experiences, by engaging with them in a different way (e.g. slowing down, bringing more attention and presence, changing the sequence of everyday activities or adding more sensual elements (lightning, music, scent).
My efforts so far (with the help of various friends 🙏) have led me:
🚲 Zooming across London on e-bikes in the rain and shine, 🎤 witnessing inspiring live poetry at the Royal Albert Hall, 🎶 music jamming with friends- all improvised, 🌳 climbing trees in Regents Park, re-connecting with my competitive side running laps of track 🏃♀️ and 🏊♂️ swimming lengths in the freezing (11 degrees!) Parliament Hill lido with a mad dash to the sauna in between sets. ALL EXCELLENT FUN!
4. Consumable Delights 😋
📖 i. Article - A Definitive Guide to Non-Duality
“One way to put it is that you’re teaching someone to loosen a muscle they don’t know they’re tensing. That is bound to be difficult. Also, there is significant individual variation here: some people “get it” almost effortlessly, some people have a much harder time. Another difficulty: the mental motion is a mental relaxation motion, in some ways opposite from more concerted mental efforts, like “trying to figure out that crossword clue” or “trying to model someone else’s thinking.” So, trying to get it can create a mental obstacle to getting it.”
An extremely thorough, easy-to-read (and long) guide on non-dual states and the variety of way you can reach them. With plenty of links to practical resources that I am still making my way through.
⚙️ ii. Tool - The Community Weaving Framework
How can we weave healthy communities? I’m so excited to celebrate the launch of this framework by Alfredo, Erin, Fabian, Linh, Michel & Sita. I’ve been so inspired not just by their desire to expand on the Community Canvas, but how they involved a group of community weavers (including myself) over the last few years to get involved and share feedback on each version. And then celebrate their launch on a call together!
5. A Parting Poem 📝
“One regret, dear world, That I am determined not to have When I am lying on my deathbed Is that I did not kiss you enough. ”
― Hafiz [Shared by one of my teachers]
Hi Georgie! Delighted to be consistently reminded of/by your persistent dedication to living life intentionally!