Conversations with Georgie #5: Is This The Matrix? 🎲
Which Game am I Playing? Breaking Conventions. 29 Thoughts Turning 29.
Welcome to Autumn! This time, perhaps you might like to find a warm cup of tea or coffee, a comfy sofa or armchair, and a super soft rug to sit under whilst you consume these nutritional thoughts. Read the whole letter in 5-10 minutes. Or if you’re deep in ‘busyness’ then pick one section - one that piques your curiosity or maybe, if you’re feeling adventurous, choose the section you wouldn’t normally.
👋Hello Friends,
I feel a little bit like I’m in the Matrix (yep, we are jumping straight into existentialism on line 1). Despite the re-drafting and editing, explaining what I mean when I say this is much too long to summarise here. So, you’ll have to jump to number 1 (Is this the Matrix?) if you’re drawn to understanding more.
Generally, I’ve been questioning a lot this past month about the world. About who I am, about what conventions there are in the world and why we follow them, and what happens if we don’t (see number 2: Breaking the Rules of Convention). On reflection, I don’t think I have broken many real rules, or at least it feels like it’s light-touch and there is definitely a desire in me to present you with something more ‘rule-breaking heavy’ as an example. Alas, I apologise if it’s too light. And if not, perhaps I am so far detached from the norms of the world. I rarely see myself as weird these days, and yet sometimes people remind me that I can, and it feels surprising. It is so funny how much we adapt.
Turning 29 last month I took the opportunity to write down some of the things I have been thinking about over the last year. Some of the insights that have surfaced that I think I am using to live my life according to. I am curious whether they land with you? They feel very much like a draft and so I welcome any contributions, challenges or ideas.
And aside from the Matrix and all this questioning, I can share that right now I don’t feel morbid or derived of meaning, but quite joyous and accepting of things. Even though I’m bored of not having things to look forward to, frustrated about the limitations of personal and professional life, and ready for COVID-19 to end, things remain interesting as they unfold each day.
Enjoy reading my thoughts.
Sending (Virtual) Hugs, Love & a Warm Smile,
Georgie 🤗❤️
🎲1. Is this the Matrix?
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
So, I feel like I’m in the Matrix…
Playing games in this thing called reality, that actually might not be reality, but a dream. And my mind can’t tell the difference.
Games? Yes, games. My friend Joshua Keay helped me articulate it well with his essay ‘Five Fundamental Feelings'. We are programmed to play a whole host of games. We choose goals and play the game of achieving them because others around us are playing them, but also because they provide us with big feelings that fulfill our human needs - survival, status, security, belonging, meaning - bringing us pleasure, and taking away pain. These feelings are byproducts of playing games, rather than goals. You have to play the game to get these feelings - you can’t suddenly have belonging or status, for instance. And when we play them and win the Matrix tells my brain that life is good and meaningful.
And some games speak to us more than others because of the stories we have created about our life and who we are and what is the right way of living. Reading Sapiens recently has reminded me that the way we think about how we live is as if there is a right way that doesn’t change, when actually what we can say for sure if that the way we live will change, and has always been changing. And that we are excellent at creating stories that we treat as the truth, but are actually merely constructed by a set of fallible human beings with their individual and collective agendas.
Back to the games. For instance, we might strive for the feeling of success by creating a £100 million business and spending our days being highly productive in ‘doing mode’. That is the start-up game or the work game: the story that you will have a happy life if you get a well-paying job and can afford to buy whatever you wish. But really, when we say we want success, is it actually just a desire for the feeling we belong, have value, status, and worth in this world?
There are other games too, each bringing different kinds of feelings. The academic game. The travel game. The fame game. The mindfulness game. The money game. We might choose to play many games, sequentially or in parallel. We might start to worship or be consumed by these games, believing that we have to win at the games to be at peace or be happy.
Realising that these are just games, I’ve recently been taking a step back and tried not to play them, or playing with them one foot in and one foot out. Partly because I am uncertain if that is the right game I want to commit to playing. Partly, because knowing I am playing only to seek subjective meaning in life, because there isn’t an objective or collective meaning, feels a little frivolous. Why bother when I am just doing something to make me feel good or whole? Can I not feel whole without the doing?
This is the wrong approach. And what I am realizing is that I have to play these games, even if it is just the survival game - keep eating, keep sleeping, keep breathing - and care about them, be invested in them. Even if I know that they are just games, what else is there to do in life? Without choosing, I’ve landed on this ‘island’ by chance with the surprising gift of life, I might as well work out what my body and mind can do, go and explore the planet, and other people (without negatively impacting either), and find joy and fun in the process. And help others do the same.
I might as well make the time I have in this ‘reality’ interesting, even if this time I have is not real, and purely a game or dream.
🛑2. Breaking the Rules of Convention
Why do we do the things we do, the way we do them?
I’ve been questioning a few conventions that don’t seem to be serving me or others.
👉 QUESTION: Do you follow these? Why? What conventions have you broken? What has the result been?
Why do we only celebrate our birthday on one day? This year I had 3 celebrations, because of the requirement to keep gatherings small. It meant I could eat cake 3 times! And actually recognise the turning of a year, with many friends and family who had contributed to it in a large way.
When is it too late to reply to an email? I recently got a reply from a connection I emailed in January, saying he was sorry for the delayed reply - 9 months (COVID chaos) but wanted to let me know he was still thinking of me and wanted to reply. I hardly minded the time delay and was actually delighted that he still remembered and got back to me. This article (thanks Ghilaine) suggests it is never too late to reply….
Why must our tech home screens have apps on them? After watching the Social Dilemma on Netflix, I realised that having notifications off is not enough, because the existence of addictive apps on my home screen still tempts me into checking them, and it’s too easy not to. I removed all the non-functional apps so I have to search for them, and when I feel inclined to check my phone, I just see this rather brilliant tree I found in Dartmoor. One extra step of inconvenience can make all the difference.
Why must books be read one at a time and until we finish them? These days I read 4-8 books at a time, dipping in and out dependent on my mood and loving the random connections you make when the books are so varied. I have also let myself move on from a book without finishing it, which means I get through more books and feel less guilty about it! Here are some I’ve been dipping in and out of recently…
Why must we be happy or sad or angry? Can we embrace the fact that we sometimes feel all the colours of emotions, all at once? Right now I am embracing the word ‘and’.
Photo source: Me & My Hand.
Can we play during the workday? I’ve become bored, unstimulated, and less focused recently as I’ve been spending so much time in my flat, often alone. I often find my best ideas come when I am out and out, letting my mind explore, but without concentrating on solving a particular task. So I’ve been spending some parts of the working week seeking that stimulation, in the form of walks, galleries, and museums, and talking to real people out and about! For example, Visiting Among the Trees at the Southbank Centre allowed me to fall in love with nature and I came out refreshed with a host of new ideas.
Why must we have a niche? What if we are the niche? I’ve spent countless hours trying to find a way to encapsulate who I am and what I offer the world - under 1 big umbrella word. It’s difficult because I do a lot of different things for different people and different purposes: Personal Development. Connection, Community, Culture and Conversations design. Self awareness and Emotions. Coaching. Creativity, Play. Joy. Writing. A Connector and Community Builder. Experience and Gathering Design etc. And I don’t want to just do one thing. I love the diversity and variety. It feeds different parts of my soul, I feel like I am growing and constantly evolving and I relish the crossover of different ideas. My friend Matt Trinetti wrote this awesome blog ‘You’re the Niche’ around this very challenge that he suffers from too… It seems that we may both be a multi-hyphenate or a multipotentialite (see the TEDx and the book ‘How to Be Everything’ which are great). So, what is my niche? Maybe I am the niche and my ‘‘unique voice on a variety of topics might even become a “category of one” niche after all.’’
🤔 3. 29 Thoughts Turning 29
These ideas first appeared on my FB wall and I thought I would share them here too. Turning 29, I’m only 1 year away now from the big 30. But instead of worrying about everything I wanted to achieve before this milestone, I’ve instead decided to pause at this moment, turn back and think about some of the beliefs I’ve changed, some of the lessons life taught me, and some of the insights that emerged from these. Curious to hear what resonates and also what you would challenge or think differently about.
1. Unconditional love and commitment is an intention, not a promise.
2. I’m completely imperfect. And given the dynamic nature of the world, it is impossible to become perfect. This is such a relief! Cut yourself and others slack - everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.
3. Adventure, playfulness, fun and beauty are qualities of an experience, not categories of experiences. All experiences can therefore embody these qualities.
4. Acceptance is: being okay with feeling like you’re not enough.
5. Often the low hanging fruits (simple, short easy to do things) can deliver the highest impact: gratefulness for a single thing can prime the mind for abundance; a single deep breathe releases tension; a smile lifts spirits and connects us; closing your eyes recenters all.
6. The best way to cheer yourself up is by doing something for someone else. It is an act of self-empowerment.
7. Disconnection is best accomplished when devices are further than 45 seconds away.
8. We are all already shining.
9. People do annoying stuff the way they want to do it because they care about something which you don’t know about or care about. There is always a reason behind others’ behaviour.
10. The best protection from hurt is to learn to be okay with getting hurt, not learning how to avoid or protect yourself from getting hurt.
11. When designing or following a process, don’t forget the human going through the process.
12. When apologizing, thank someone first for the quality they showed (e.g. ‘thank you for your patience, I’m sorry for being late’).
13. Every success you have is not your own.
14. Many things in life are indeed a numbers game and there is no single great thing. Never rely upon one thing, opportunity, sale, relationship, idea, action etc. to solve your needs.
15. You’ll never know the full impact (positive and negative) your actions and words have on others. Trust others when they share their lived experience of you.
16. To get ideas, walk. To solve problems, walk. To connect with another, walk. To feel your feelings, walk. To look after your body, walk. To find beauty in the world, walk. To explore the world, walk.
17. When you want something you’re actually chasing a feeling that product or experience will give you, which will either heighten pleasure or decrease pain. If you look beyond the thing to the feeling, you’ll be able to identify other ways to feed that need. Or just sit with it. Cravings subside.
18. Resistance to saying ‘yes’ is often because of the fear that you can’t retract that yes. Choosing doesn’t have to be final - it`s okay to not know what you want right now, say yes to something and then to feel into a moment and give yourself permission to step away if it doesn’t feel right. Keeping checking in.
19. Much of my energy goes into resisting what is happening in me and the world and getting frustrated at what I, others or the world didn’t do. To save energy, let go. It happened.
20. Your best friend is not your partner. It is you. Your greatest supporter? Your greatest critic? Still you.
21. Everything needs an end date. Impermanence is a reality, not a negotiable. And you too will die.
22. All systems are now imperfect legacy systems. They were created to solve a specific problem in a given moment in time, using the limited resources (time, knowledge, materials) available at the time. Don’t be afraid to challenge the system.
23. My thoughts are just thoughts. They are not me. My consciousness that witnesses my thoughts is me.
24. Do have goals, desires and wants. But don’t be attached to how these will be met.
25. Discomfort is mostly a sign of unfamiliarity. Not because you can’t or don’t like doing something.
26. Not only will I will not be liked by many, but I will also not be liked by some people I want to like me. The answer to this is not to persuade them to like me but simply to accept that there are parts of me that are unlikeable. And some people will be more exposed to those sides.
27. You can’t choose your feelings and they are telling you what’s important. My anger is self-love - helping me become aware of boundaries and values that have been crossed and giving me catalytic power to take action. Jealousy tells me what I want. Within grief and sadness, there is immense care and appreciation for what is lost.
28. Technology values productivity, not human dignity.
29. When you receive from others, you give them a chance to enjoy giving. When you give to others, you are also receiving.
📖 4. A Parting Quote
The philosophers Willard Van Orman Quine and J.S. Ullian on the difference between being right and having been right:
"The desire to be right and the desire to have been right are two desires, and the sooner we separate them the better off we are. The desire to be right is the thirst for truth. On all counts, both practical and theoretical, there is nothing but good to be said for it. The desire to have been right, on the other hand, is the pride that goeth before a fall. It stands in the way of our seeing we were wrong, and thus blocks the progress of our knowledge."
Source: The Web of Belief (Thanks to Farnam Street for signposting)