Happy Friday! I’ve been enjoying the changing Autumnal weather minus the wet stormy parts which I seem to never be prepared for🌧️. Why do I write these letters? To try and capture an element of the thoughts, feelings and experiences that flush through my being in recent moments ... in the hope that you might perhaps find yourself in my words, feel more closely connected, provoked in your thoughts, or that they might create the breadcrumbs for future conversations. These are best enjoyed by taking a 5 min break from everyday life (with coffee ☕ or your caffeinated drink of choice). I love replies! 📧🙏
👋 Hello Friends,
I’ve been wanting to write this letter for many weeks.
Faced with some crazy work & PhD deadlines I decided to cut-out a bunch of the fun enjoyable stuff in my calendar: calls & dinners with friends, dance, circling, creative pursuits 😝.
This was a mistake.
I craved fun even more - it led to inner conflict which then made the process of focused writing even harder. I would meet multiple pretty anger parts of myself each morning, putting up serious resistance ❌. It felt like I had been put in charge of a group of toddlers having multiple tantrums at once, and refusing to cooperate with each other 😭.
All I wanted to do was run away from them all.
Inspired by a friend’s recent anger journalling, I decided I needed to instead face and listen deeply to the resistance. So I sat down in a coffee shop to write my daily morning pages, starting with the sentence stem ‘I am angry at…’
The first one came easily. ‘I am angry at myself for not preparing myself better to meet this deadline’
Then another. And another. I kept writing.
It was incredible to see how much stuff I had not fully acknowledged or allowed myself to feel. Different parts of myself that wanted very different things and were angry at each other (e.g. wanting more spaciousness vs wanting to have achieved and done it all). There were things from the past (e.g. stuff that happened in childhood), things from now (like needing more support), things about others (e.g. not taking full responsibility for actions), things about the world (e.g. that you can’t make people change) and more existential things (e.g. that I can’t truly ever understand what the world is about and why I exist).
There was a lot that needed to be voiced! 😠
The experience wasn’t just cognitive; it was unbelievably visceral. Writing some sentences I could feel parts of my shoulders, back and throat tighten, shake and release. It felt just as intense as a somatic experiencing session.
After 2 hours and 29 pages (yep, really! although it was journal sized, not A4) I was still going.
And it felt great. Since exploring EMDR and somatic experiencing over the pandemic, I have come to really appreciate anger. It’s an incredibly powerful emotion, standing for our protection and our care. New research also suggests it might also help us achieve our goals.
What I love about anger is how it calls us out of helplessness and instead into action.
The process gave me a lot; I have a much better understanding of what parts of me believe and need right now and their stories about how life works, they feel heard and validated and so are resisting a hell of a lot less now and my body feels physically lighter and more flexible. Turning towards my anger has met I’ve had to face the fact I let myself down on some fronts (especially on some of my goals), but it’s given me the force and power to actually do something about it.
I can’t recommend this process enough. It’s free, simple, eye-opening and powerful.
We all feel angry; it is a normal part of being human. Anger is a healthy emotion with a lot of love within it, that society makes it wrong to express.
👉 I encourage you to take a pen, voice this emotion and let yourself feel the full liberating power of it. 👈
And beyond anger, read on below to discover more reflections, scrolling down to whatever you’re most called to.
1. Thinking About… Deconstructing Human Interactions 🧰
2. What I am Celebrating 🙌
i. 💡 Completing two Transformational Conversations Programmes & Happy Clients ii. 🎥 Featured in @meyouandmyphone
3. Consumable Delights 😋
i. 📖 Article - Acing the First Meeting: A Simple Guide ii. 📕 Book - Elon Musk iii. Netflix Series: Sex Education
4. A Parting Thought📝 by George Bernard
Thanks, as always, for reading (and responding!). 🙏
Sending (Virtual) Hugs, Love & A Warm Smile,
Georgie 🤗💜
1. Thinking About… Deconstructing Human Interactions 🧰
I’ve spent many long but enjoyable hours analysing observation and interview data for my current PhD study, understanding how weak tie interactions occurred in a 3-day event for a professional networking community.
Rather than focus on the role and agency of an individual, I’m looking at the role of the context in which behaviour occurs using behaviour settings theory. Context plays a huge role in creating opportunities for people to fulfil motives whilst also creating constraints for how one can behave appropriately; thus collectively shaping the action of individuals into predictable patterns of behaviour. This holistic framework from behaviour centred design helps us understand how behavioural routines are influenced by factors in the social (e.g. roles, roles, motives), physical and technical (e.g. stage, infrastructure, props) environment.
I’ve distilled each interaction into one of 6 generalisable categories for how interactions come about, and what contextual elements influence their success. In some instances it’s the power of proximity plus social norms & props to start the conversation (e.g. serendipitously standing in a queue), in others it the kinds of roles we play (e.g. helping another fulfill their need) or the authority of agents as part of a structured activity (e.g. workshops).
Creating categories can be powerful for design because it helps create much clearer design requirements and a framework for understanding why some interventions are successful or not.
2. What I am Celebrating 🙌
This section is an experimental way for me to practice the challenge of self-celebration, feel into the experience of pride and gratitude for good things happening in life. Hopefully, it will encourage you too to outwardly celebrate achievements in your own life!
💡i. Completing Two Transformational Conversations Programmes & Happy Clients
This week I finished running two programmes - the 6 week virtual Transformational Conversations Programme and the 4 week in person and online hybrid course.
A highlight of the final class is hearing how the course had impacted each individual, their favourite moment (often a story of them applying the tools that I haven’t heard before) and what now becomes possible for them.
I felt so touched by what Jennifer, an awesome USA client, had to say about feeling reborn:
Georgie is a deeply thoughtful and intentional teacher and coach. Her depth of knowledge and familiarity with the subject allow her to be very present and responsive. She is magnificent! and I treasure the time I've had with her.
The homework was extremely practical, and the heart of the learning. The homework was very doable: I had to push myself initially, but I was amazed at how quickly I was able to drop my self image as "not easily social" and just dive into it each week. Who knew I could just let go of the way I saw myself after all these years, and just move on?!This course exceeded my hopes and expectations in every possible way; I feel reborn in terms of my attitude towards and comfort with interacting with strangers. Do yourself a giant favor and change your life now!
🎥 ii. Being Featured in @meyouandmyphone
How we manage our relationships with people and our phone? I was honoured to be included in a selection of interviews pre-pandemic by @sara.stevanato for a documentary about social media addiction. Check out it!
3. Consumable Delights 😋
📖 i. Article - Acing the First Meeting: A Simple Guide by Matt Hunter
‘Transactional approaches to pitching yourself or your business are not how impactful connections are made. Instead, these connections are forged through relationship-first approaches that prioritize curiosity, authenticity, and empathy. This is what I call activating the connection….A successfully activated connection is someone who leaves the meeting trusting you, willing to support you, and ultimately comfortable recommending you to others.’
I really enjoy reading blogs from friends in my network who do a great job at articulating a philosophy I have held for a long time. I’ve always pushed against initial meetings that are all about pitching yourself; I tend to try and keep first meetings exploratory, relational and warm.
📕ii. Book - Elon Musk - by Walter Isaacson
A very meaty (600 pages!) book that I am still working my way through, but boy, it is pretty gripping. An incredible story that doesn’t hold back from criticising the challenging behaviour of a crazy founder who seeks intensity wherever he goes, whilst still highlighting the amazing successes achieved. I was especially curious to read about Musk’s traumatic upbringing; the impact his difficult father and bullies had on his mindset, inabilities to feel his feelings (and give empathy), and his loneliness. He has gone from having no friends at school to owning the Twitter playground and becoming the richest man in the world…
📺 iii. Netflix Series: Sex Education (season 4)
Amid deadlines, I have really looked forward to winding down at the end of the day with an episode of the new season. I enjoy a stories’ ability to both induce laughter and explore important topics like disability rights, the power of authority figures in crafting our dreams, postnatal depression, and sex, of course.
4. A Parting Thought📝
“The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.”
-George Bernard
(Found via an article on conviction sent my way by Victor 🙏)